Your Avoidance Is Your Liberation

WHAT YOU ARE AVOIDING 

IS YOUR KEY TO LIBERATION.  

I grew up with an avoidant father.  

Around me I saw a few truly brave and responsible men.  

As such I have been fearfully avoidant much of my life. 

And the cost of this has been heart-wrenching.  

You might not believe the opportunities and relationships I let slip away. Easy wealth, inheriting mansions, apprenticing masters. 

There was something NOT courage leading and subtly derailing my success and happiness at every turn. 

And it was breaking my heart.  

I truly felt SUCH disappointment in myself for identifying with FEAR and letting it lead my life. 

Deep down I knew this fear was NOT me. I felt so much disappointment and shame in pretending that it was. 

And its grip was SO strong. "TOO strong", I thought. 

I didn't know how to break free of the bind that I could hardly articulate,  that few felt safe enough to acknowledge in their selves,  

and that even fewer had TRULY moved through in a grounded and embodied and integrated way.  

Apparently, no one could guide me. And I felt totally defeated.  

I collapsed completely. 

I now know this to be the fertile ground of initiation.  

I now know that it is only when we give up entirely when we become totally empty,  that we allow life to come in and take over.

It is certainly true for me that in the heart of what felt like an eternal depression, I came fully f*cking ALIVE. 

In the depth of hopeless dark, 

when I all but lost my voice 

did I finally find my ROAR.  

In the quiet, we see clearly the CHOICE our soul has. And that no one can make for us. 

I made it. 

I entered the somatic door my father never dared to. 

I filled the rooms of pain, pleasure, and primality. 

And for years I discharged aggressively the terror, grief, rage, and ecstasy that was stuck in my system, clouding my vision, and inhibiting my YES. 

I began entraining my nervous system to hold more power and to identify with COURAGE over fear. 

To love feeling anything and everything, 

And to when I avoid, lean in.  

It's been a journey in a f*ing half with several near-death experiences, outpoppings of mystery illnesses, labyrinth wanderings, and brutalizing humility. 

Many of you can relate.  

I am still waking up. There is so much more to go. 

And I now live with my life force FULLY online, precise and specific extra-sensory perception few can imagine, and a deep intuitive mastery for helping people through what few experts are qualified to understand. 

I am called "a healer", "a coach", "a facilitator", "a shaman" and whatever else. I identify with none of this and am absolutely nothing special. Seriously. 

I'm sharing to say that on the other side of this is a very different experience of life bearing delicious fruit.

Most importantly, I do not live in fear, and I know this is not who I am. 

This path is harrowing, heartbreaking, humbling, and magnificent. Few survive.  Fewer thrive. And those that do simply MUST serve so that no one has to experience as much trial and tribulation as they did. 

That's where I am. People are tragically unsupported in doing this work and there is so much new-age and even "trauma-informed" misinformation that keep people from doing the work that cannot be talked about.  

In emotional expression everyone is underserved. And I think none more so than men. 

I care about men. Deeply. 

Around me, I see the necessity of the masculine imperative. Of boundary, building, service, Truth, and NO. 

I see feminine men. Identified with their emotions. Thinking they're fear. Leading  FROM fear.  

I see them in relationships that suck and jobs they hate. 

And worst of all, I see them DEFENDING their fear. 

I know why they are this way because I know why I was this way.  

Our fathers were not initiated. Their life force was suppressed by a culture intent on keeping men passive and impotent when it comes to what's important, and primal only when it comes to serving the hand that feeds. 

Thinking about this I could tear down buildings. 

We have a system of slavery. And by denying our primality they've enslaved our will. 

No more. 

This post is streaming through me and while we can all relate to this this is mostly for the men. 

If there is anything I am learning as I continue to initiate myself into leadership and  manhood it is this:

Look where it most hurts. Feel to the center. Totally let go.  Reach out to someone who has it. Your instinct will recognize them. Settle for nothing less than primality. You can trust that the most. Go farther, go deeper, until you're clear. 

Until you live beyond fear. 

And then keep going.  

Until you're an Animal. 

Until you're a Man. 

Until you're the God. 

And then keep going. 

I love you. 

- Blake